If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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