On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
