I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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