i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize