Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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