She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize