just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
