She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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