You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
