Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
