Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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