is your mom at the bar?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
