hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
