so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
