You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize