Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
