I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
