Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
