the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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