Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
