peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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