Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
