actually, I'm a sock model
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
