oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
