His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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