pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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