am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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