I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
