Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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