Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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