when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
