Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just had sex on a roof
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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