we have officially lost it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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