We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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