Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize