i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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