I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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