Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
