Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish you could order shots online.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Shame is for Republicans.
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