Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
