So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
