got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
