ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
