Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
