Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
