Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
