nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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