i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
