K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
