Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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