i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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