Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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