The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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