now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
