I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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