I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
