I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
