She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
