i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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