I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
