As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
