Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
