He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
