she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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