Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
