I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
