you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
