did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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