Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
