btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
