He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
