I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
